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Jack: Now let me hear you say the seven most important words in the American judicial system.
    Frank: My client has no memory of that.
    Jack: I also would have accepted "You can't prove that's the governor's semen."

San Francisco? I asked you to find an actor from Middle America, a real person. Your not going to find him in the peoples gay public of “Drugifornia”.

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—	Jack Donaghy (via 30rockquotes)

I’ve seen a blind guy bite a police horse! A puppy committed suicide after he saw our bathroom! I once bit into a burrito and there was a child’s shoe in it! I’ve seen a hooker eat a tire! A pack of wild dogs took over and successfully ran a Wendy’s. The sewer people stole my skateboard! The projects I lived in were named after Zachary Taylor - generally considered to be one of the worst Presidents of all time! I once saw a baby give another baby a tattoo… They were very drunk!!

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—	Tracy Jordan (via 30rockquotes)